


Death

by Book_freak



Series: Wings [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Feelings, Gen, Some angst, season 4, wing fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 04:52:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11051718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Book_freak/pseuds/Book_freak
Summary: When your wings shrink a little, you try not to think about it. When your wings shrink a lot, something is very wrong.





	Death

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this post http://inkskinned.com/post/138673319039/in-another-world-when-you-are-loved-you-grow and a review of the other fic, so thanks for the ammunition Pikadragon!!

Seeing May in that state was horrible. Strapped down and thrashing, screaming at the to stay away. Her arms, wings, and legs straining against the restraints, leaving red marks in their wake, feathers falling to the floor. Jemma stroked her hair back after the sedative had taken effect. “We have to save her.” She murmured.

Radcliffe nodded, his spindly grey wings shrinking behind his back. “We will. With both our big brains looking at hers, I'm sure we'll find a solution.”

Jemma prayed that he was right.

The sedative started to wear off as the two looked at the map of May's mind, trying to think of something. Jemma hurried back to her, trying to soothe her, but May only flinched away from her touch, screaming again to get away from her.

Then Radcliffe had an idea and Jemma felt like she should be the one screaming.

Every part of Jemma told her that saving May this way was wrong. She knew it was the only way. She knew that she would die otherwise. And yet every minute she waited, goosebumps over her skin, feathers puffing up in reaction, she wanted to scream out _'No, stop this!'_

Jemma wasn't sure if she'd ever felt so panicked as when, moments before she pressed the defibrillator to May's chest, the lights went out.

The power went out.

_No._

Something inside of Jemma froze, the tiniest of tremors going through her wings. “No.” She whispered, the defibrillator paddles clattering to the ground. “ _No!”_ She dove for May, desperately pressing her hands over her heart. “Come on May, you have to wake up!” Tears blurred her vision. “Do you hear me?! You have to wake up, that's an _order!_ ”

She didn't notice Radcliffe leaving. She didn't care.

Pins and needles spread across Jemma's wings as she continued to give May the heart massage. A sob escaped her when the first silver feather fluttered to the ground. “Don't do this!” Jemma begged, _“Please.”_ She would have to tell Coulson. She would have to live with the fact that the last real conversation she'd ever had with May had been an argument.

Right before Jemma sent her on the mission that resulted in her death.

Jemma bowed her head at the thought and saw the thick pool of feathers at her feet. She stopped her hands. “I'm so sorry.” She whispered, stroking May's hair back. “I'm sorry.” Jemma shook with tears, feeling the very bones of her wings aching and retracting.

May's own wings hung limp, the dark tips brushing the ground.

This was _wrong._

It was a glow from the doorway which made Jemma look up. “What is that?” She sniffled.

Radcliffe carried the glowing object like a baby bird. “A shielded energy source from... a project I've been working on.” He hurriedly hooked it up to the defibrillator. “With a little luck we might get this working.”

Jemma picked up the paddles, watching Radcliffe with bated breath until he gave her a tense nod. “Go.”

Jemma pressed them against May's chest, watching her spasm with the current. “Come on May! Fight it!” She exclaimed, listening to them charge again.

She slammed them onto May again. “Wake up!”

Radcliffe nodded. “Again.”

“Wake _up!_ ” Jemma screamed, and her heart leapt into her throat when May started coughing.

“Wha- where am I?” May tried to sit up and found herself held back by the restraints. She looked to Jemma, annoyed. “Get this crap off of me!”

Jemma laughed through her tears of relief, pouncing on her in a tight hug. “Welcome back.”

May looked around at the darkened room, the medical tools, everything. Her arms came up to return the hug but she found them held back. “Did I miss something?” Her wings tried to move instead of her arms, but they two were held down, strapped together.

Radcliffe looked between them, then retreated from the room. It was clear that they needed a moment.

Jemma drew away when she heard his footsteps leaving, busying herself undoing the straps restraining May.

May cocked her head, watching her. “Jemma?” She looked exhausted. What the hell had just happened? She ached all over, she couldn't remember anything. She scanned Jemma's frame and finally noticed. “Your wings. What happened?!” The straps were freed, and May caught Jemma's arm before she could walk away. “Jemma.”

“You died!” She snapped, rounding on her. “Y-you were _dead,_ and I just let you be and- now everyone will know that I let you die, I-I _killed you!”_

May groaned in pain, sitting up. “Jemma,” She said softly. “It's okay.”

“It's _not_ okay!” Jemma shouted, but broke off when the lights suddenly came back on. The shine of the feathers on the ground caught both their attention, drawing their gazes. Jemma let out a shuddering breath. “I-I- we were arguing.” She said softly. “And- I sent you on that mission- and you _died_ and it was all my fault.” She trembled. “I'm s-so sorry.”

May hesitated, not sure what to say. “I... it wasn't your fault.” She tried to assure. Her wing reached out for Jemma, the distance between them too great for her arms, but she found herself immediately pushed back onto the bed.

“You need rest.” Jemma said firmly, her voice still stuffy. “And if you don't stay in this bed I swear I'll strap you down again.”

May rolled her eyes and managed to snag her hand before she walked away again. “Thank you.” She murmured.

Jemma bit the inside of her lip. “I should tidy up.” She said softly, drawing away.

When May's eyes again caught sight of the feathers on the floor her stomach dropped. “Jemma.” She said. “Call the others?”

Jemma turned and followed her eyes. “Oh God.” She covered her mouth with one hand. “Of course, yes.” Her wings trembled. “They probably think...”

“It'll be okay.”

The sheer amount of feathers, the size that Jemma had lost hurt more than anything. It wasn't that she didn't know that May cared about her. It was just realising the sheer _amount._ It made her both want to cry and to wrap May in a huge hug.

Melinda felt her wings puff up ever so slightly. She swallowed. “They should grow back in a day or so.” She murmured. “That's what happened when Coulson...” She looked down.

Jemma swept up her feathers in a dustpan. “I'm sure he's fine.” She said. “He's on a fairly simple mission.”

May grimaced. “I don't want him to be distracted.” She muttered.

Jemma imagined feeling her wings shrink like that and knowing that there was only one cause, only one person it could be. If it had been Fitz.

She swallowed. “I'm sure he's fine.” Jemma repeated forcefully. “I'll call him as soon as I can. You rest.”

May buried her frustration. It was Jemma after all. “I'll try.” She murmured, resolving to let Phil hug her for as long as he wanted when she saw him again.

She remembered what that fear was like.

* * *

Quake was famous. People read about her in the news, they saw reports on TV, they heard stories from friends and co-workers. The infamous Quake had wings so big that the ground shook when she flapped them. So massive that she could take to the sky in seconds. A stormy grey, warning those of the thunder which could follow. A hero. A criminal.

Daisy Johnson was tired. Her wings were usually caked in dust and dirt, which she was dimly aware was a good thing, keeping people from identifying her, and keeping them from seeing the deep cuts and sores. Every day she could feel her wings, so much smaller than they used to be. They didn't wrap around her as snugly as they used to, and she knew why.

Lincoln.

Her wings had shrunk before, but it had never hurt this much. Trip, Jaiying, Cal. _Lincoln_.

Lincoln. Her wings had never shrunk so much as they had at that moment. Blue feathers moulted around her as she sobbed for Coulson to bring him back. Her wings hadn't been right since. They never would be again. Wasn't it better to just leave before the people she loved inevitably died? She could do good like this. It was better now that no one was there to tell her to stop. No one to care.

She blocked out the fact that people did. The fact that her wings hadn't shrunk an inch since Lincoln had died. That her friends, her team, still loved her even though she had run away and left them all without so much as a goodbye.

The day she had noticed the first of the scars was the day she had left, forcing herself not to remember May, and how Daisy had helped her, had stopped her from doing it to herself. May didn't deserve this though.

She did.

When the first few feathers started to fall, Daisy was almost happy. Almost. They were finally forgetting her, realising that all she caused was pain. They had started to stop caring about her, and she tried to tell herself that was what she wanted.

When they started to ache and retract, Daisy realised that something was very wrong.

She watched in horror as dozens of feathers fluttered to the ground of the abandoned building she had been sleeping in, groaned as the bones fluctuated and moved.

When they were done and Daisy could see how much smaller her wings had become, still marred with cuts and sores, she felt like the floor had given out beneath her. She couldn't measure them exactly, but at a guess, she would say she'd lost almost half of the size of her wings.

Oh God.

The team.

* * *

Jemma's wings had just started to regain a little of their size when she had a suitable day to investigate a flat she had noticed in an online listing. Not that she was ever completely off the clock. One never could be with SHIELD, and the gun tucked into her handbag reminded her of that with every step, along with the comforting knowledge that May had taught her how to use it.

May. Jemma felt bad for leaving her at Radcliffe's, but she knew that she would be okay. Tufts of downy feathers had been forming at the base of her wings ever since she had woken up that morning. They all seemed to have silently agreed not to comment on the drastic size change to Coulson's wings. On any of theirs really.

Strangely, it made Jemma feel guilty. It was so easy to measure love sometimes. They were told not to, she knew it was wrong, but her mind couldn't help but try. Situations like this... well, they were awkward. She couldn't imagine how exposed May must feel, especially given how quiet she was.

Still. Her wings were pretty big, and that had to count for something.

Jemma's feathers started to prick up when she knocked on the door and received no response. This could be dangerous. She pushed the door and found it unlocked, which only made that uneasy feeling grow. She reached for her gun, trying to stay calm. “Hello?” She called. “I'm here about the flat.”

The door closed from the other side of the room and Jemma jumped and turned, drawing her weapon, flaring her wings out behind her.

The tension eased when she saw who it was. “Daisy.” She breathed.

She didn't look good. Tired and worn, her wings more worn down than any of theirs. Daisy stared at her hungrily. “You're okay.” She mumbled, then slid down the wall, leaving a trail of blood behind her.

“Daisy!” Jemma hurried to her, lifting her up. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Daisy whimpered in pain, trying to push Jemma away. “I'm _fine._ ” She rasped. “I-I need to know- w-what happened.”

Jemma hauled her over to the kitchen bench, pushing Daisy up. She could see it now. What she'd thought was some kind of injury to her back was in face multiple lacerations to her wings. Her considerably smaller wings. “Dear God, Daisy, what have you done?” She breathed, cleaning one of the cuts gentle with a wet towel.

Daisy groaned, her wings twitching. “J-Jemma, please.” She whispered. “What happened to the others?”

Jemma frowned, only half listening. “What do you mean?” She asked, now applying gauze to one of the larger cuts.

“A couple of d-days ago.” Daisy mumbled, her other wing failing to wrap around her. “M-my wings, they just...” She swallowed. “Just hit me with it. Please.”

The corners of Jemma's mouth tightened. “I'll tell you.” She said, “After I've finished this.”

Daisy trembled. “Jemma...”

Her voice was so heartbroken that Jemma sighed and relented. “Everyone's okay.” She said softly.

“What happened?”

“Hush.” Jemma said firmly. “You'll let me finish here if you want to know anything else.” She paused. “And you'll eat the sandwich in my bag. You're far too skinny.”

For whatever reason, the kindhearted concern brought tears to her eyes and made Daisy fight the urge to collapse into Jemma's arms and cry. Instead she reached for the bag, her hand closing around the foil-wrapped food. She took a breath to calm down. “I guess you didn't use any of the good bread?”

Jemma glared balefully at the back of her head. “It's not my fault you have the palate of a five year old, Daisy.”

The response was so normal that it almost made Daisy smile. She took a bite out of the horrifyingly healthy sandwich, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “You promise they're okay?”

Jemma sighed, momentarily stopping to stroke Daisy's feathers. “I wouldn't lie about something like that.”

Daisy closed her eyes, fighting the urge to lean into the sensation. “Okay.” She murmured, going back to the sandwich.

It didn't take her long to finish the sandwich, and Daisy tried to stay quiet while Jemma finished with her wings. “We've all missed you, you know.” Jemma murmured as she washed her hands, watching the water swirl down the drain.

Daisy swallowed. “Are you done?” She asked, ignoring Jemma's words.

She sighed. “Yes.” Jemma said, turning, one of her wings wrapping around her shoulder so that she could grip it. “It was May.” She said, looking away. “She was... sick, and the only way I could save her was...” Jemma swallowed. “I killed her.” She mumbled, “A-and then we brought her back.”

Daisy stared, barely understanding. “May?” _Who else?_ Her mind asked, because her wings had shrunk so very much that day. That couldn't have all been May. Could it?

“She's okay now.” Jemma said. “Recovering at Radcliffe's. She'll be back in shape in a day or so.”

Daisy's wings hugged around her shoulders unconsciously. “But...”

Jemma must have realised what was bothering her. “I know.” She said, sitting beside Daisy and wrapping one of her wings around her, being mindful of Daisy's injuries. “It's... sweet, really. May's so quiet, I suppose I never realised...”

Daisy bit her lip. All of that love, it was all May. She'd thought that the whole team was gone from how much her wings had shrunk, but they weren't. They were never even in danger. It was just May. May loved her _that much._

And Daisy had left without even saying goodbye.

“Daisy?” Daisy suddenly realised she was crying and hurriedly wiped her eyes. Jemma cupped her face with one hand. “What's wrong?”

Daisy sniffled. “I don't know, I just-” She swallowed. “I don't know.”

Jemma sighed softly, her wing tightening around her. “Okay.” She murmured. She'd missed Daisy. “We all love you you know. May said that everyone's wings should grow back in a day or so.”

Daisy swallowed. “Maybe mine shouldn't.”

“Don't say that.”

“But-”

“No.” Jemma said firmly. “You can't make us stop loving you, so just suck it up, okay?”

Daisy's wings trembled and she wiped another tear form her eye. “M'sorry.” She mumbled, snuggling into Jemma's wing.

Jemma leaned closer, “It's okay.” She murmured, then hesitated. “I've really missed you.”

Daisy bit her lip. “I've missed you too.” She confessed. “I-I just... I can't-”

“I know.” Jemma said, gently raking her fingers through Daisy's feathers again, noting how she shuddered and leaned closer still. “When you decide to come back... we'll all be waiting for you. Okay?”

Daisy leaned her head against Jemma's shoulder. “Okay.” She said, even though she didn't really believe her.

She wanted to though.

* * *

Melinda May was bored. Exceedingly bored. Bored to the point that she had seriously considered busting out of Radcliffe's house and hitchhiking back to the Playground.

But she'd promised Jemma she wouldn't do anything risky, and even though she didn't think so, Jemma would probably classify making her own way across the country as 'risky'.

Seeing how much Jemma's wings had lost made her feel vulnerable. Melinda didn't usually let on how much she cared. She didn't think it was important. Now it was... calculable. And Jemma was just the beginning. She knew that the second she returned to the base, they would all look at her differently. Fitz, Phil. Just thinking about it made her stomach swoop.

Maybe she was half staying because of her own cowardice. Because boredom was better than awkward conversations and knowing looks.

She remembered her father's words from years ago. How love made her strong. It helped, a little. May just hoped that none of them acted surprised. She wasn't sure if she could bear that.

Jemma hadn't acted surprised though, so despite her boredom, May stayed, rested, slept. It wasn't for long, she told herself, so she might as well.

It was dark when May woke from one of her infrequent naps, and she found that she wasn't alone. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness, but something inside her stilled when she saw who was seated by her bed. “Daisy.”

Daisy froze. She hadn't expected May to wake up. Some guilty part of her wanted her to, but she didn't think she actually would. She didn't know what to say. She swallowed. “Jemma said... I'm glad you're okay.” She murmured. Her wings shrunk behind her back, hiding the stark white of the bandages against her feathers.

May only stared at her for a long moment. “You look thin.” She said eventually. “Have you been eating?”

Daisy laughed softly. “Jemma made me eat her sandwich earlier. I'm fine. You're the one who died.”

“ _You're_ the one who's been shattering her arms and wings by using your powers too much.”

“I'm helping people.”

“You can't help anyone if you're dead.”

“Speak for yourself!” Daisy snapped. “I just did what I learned from you!” Her wings flared out behind her, all the damage now on display. She didn't know why she was mad. Why she was arguing, why she was deliberately going for sore spots that she _knew_ would hurt May. Maybe she really didn't want her wings to grow back.

May waited a little while before responding. “I'm not giving up on you.”

“ _Why not?”_ Daisy asked earnestly, bowing her head.

With slightly more effort than she's have liked, May took her hand. “You never gave up on me.” She murmured. “Even when I wanted you to.”

Daisy shook her head. “It's different.”

“How?”

Daisy glared at the ground. “Because I _deserve_ this!” She said, gesturing to her damaged wings.

May sighed softly, rubbing her thumb over Daisy's knuckles. “I thought I did too.” She hesitated. “I'm sorry I can't make this better.”

Daisy laughed tearfully. “It's not your fault.”

May shrugged. “You were always good at making me feel better.” She admitted softly.

Daisy pulled her hand back. “You never said.” She murmured.

She shrugged again. “I didn't think I had to.” The reality of Daisy being there suddenly made her heart ache. “Why are you here?”

Daisy stiffened, surprised. “I-I-... look, I can- I'll go.” She muttered, going to stand. “I was just worried, okay?”

“ _Why?”_

Daisy bristled. “What, is it that hard to accept that people care about you?!”

“I don't know, is it?” May's wings pricked up, making her seem bigger, even sitting in bed.

Daisy's wings shrunk behind her as she realised what May was getting at. She stopped. “I- that's not-” She sank back into the chair with a sigh. “It's not like that.” She murmured. “I know you care.”

Melinda shook her head and looked away, her wings tucking behind her. She knew that that wasn't true. This was just Daisy trying to make her feel better. The truth was that Daisy had been so shocked by how much she cared that she'd had to see her to believe it, because she'd _never_ done anything to make Daisy believe that May actually loved her.

She couldn't be angry at Daisy for that. It was all her own fault.

The look on May's face almost broke Daisy's heart. “Oh- hey, May, don't- don't look like that.” She said, hating that she didn't know what to say. “Come on, I know you care.”

“Then why did you come?”

Daisy sighed in the dark. “I guess... I'd forgotten how much.” She said quietly. “And- I'd tried to make myself ignore- how much I must have hurt you- all of you- by leaving like that, a-and then I felt my wings, and I thought-” She broke off, biting her lip. “I thought that something had happened to the team.” She swallowed. “For- until I saw Jemma, I thought that there'd been some accident, that almost everyone was gone.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “But it wasn't everyone. I-it was just you, and... I never really thought about... amounts.” Tears burned Daisy's eyes. “I-I was so used to seeing other kids with bigger wings than me growing up that I just tried to ignore how much more their parents loved them than me, b-but _you...”_ She trailed off, trying not to cry. She refused to cry. Daisy coughed dryly. “I-I _really_ wanted you guys to not care about me.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Daisy laughed, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. “I-I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye.” She said quietly. “I'm sorry I hurt you.” She couldn't be sorry for leaving, but she was sorry for that.

May was quiet for a long moment. “When I left Andrew,” She said softly. “I didn't say anything. I just left and didn't tell him where I was. A week later the divorce papers arrived.”

Daisy winced. “It's okay.” May said. “You can say it.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.” She murmured. “I tried not to think about how much I hurt him too.” May paused. “I always meant to apologise to him properly for that.”

Daisy bit her lip. “Do you ever... do you ever wonder if he'd have been better off without you?”

“All the time.” May said softly. “But in the end it was his choice.” She drew a calming breath. “For better or worse. Even if it ended up being for worse.”

“He loved you.”

“Yes.” May murmured, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. “Even when I didn't want him to.” She hesitated. “I've missed you.”

“You shouldn't.”

“Not your call.”

Daisy sighed.

“Will you come back?”

The insecurity, the sheer... _neediness_ in May's voice surprised Daisy. She clenched her fists. “I don't know if I can.” She said, remembering what May had always taught her about acknowledging her emotions. “I'm- scared.”

“Me too.”

Daisy cocked her head. “You are?” She said incredulously. “Why?”

May shrugged. “Everyones wings changed when I died.” She said quietly, not looking at Daisy. “They all... they know too much.”

Daisy frowned. “I thought you wanted them to know that you care.” Her eyes narrowed and the tiniest of smirks coloured her face. “Or is it maybe just _one_ person you're worried about?”

May gave her a baleful look. “Back for half an hour and you're already on that.”

“I'm just saying.”

“ _Don't._ ” May said firmly. “That's not what this is about.”

Daisy resisted the urge to argue. “Sorry.” She muttered. She didn't mean to upset her more.

May sighed frustratedly. “It's- it's the amount.” She bit the inside of her lip. “How much their wings shrunk- and they'll know that was all because of me and they'll... they'll look at me differently.”

“You're making it sound like this is a bad thing.”

May shrugged. “It feels like it is.”

Daisy refrained from rolling her eyes. “Come on.” She said, “They love you just as much.” She tugged at one of May's wings. “Look at these things!”

May let out a soft laugh, pulling her wing back. “They're not much bigger than yours.” She reminded her. They'd be more or less equal once Daisy regained the volume that had been lost by her death.

Daisy swallowed. “I know.” She said, “But I- I can't come back.” The way May's face fell made the guilt rise. “I'm dangerous. You guys are better off without me.”

“I'm dangerous too.”

She should have known May wouldn't accept that argument. “I just need more time.” Daisy said quietly. “I... I can't.”

“I understand.” May said softly. “Just promise you won't stay away because you're scared to face them. Come back the second you feel ready.” She took a calming breath. “Don't let fear stop you.”

Daisy bit her lip. “Okay.” She murmured, then moved forwards to wrap her arms and wings around May in a close embrace. “You don't either.”

Melinda immediately returned the hug, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't want to let go. She wanted to hold onto Daisy and never let go, hold on so tightly that she could never leave her again. But deep down, May knew she had to let her go.

She sighed softly, committing this feeling to memory. “Come home soon.”

Daisy squeezed her tighter with her arms. Her wings were struggling to wrap entirely around May actually. “I'll try.” A noise from outside made her look up. “I should go.”

It took May a moment to bring herself to pull away. “Stay safe.” She said, finally forcing her arms and wings back. “I like my wings this size, don't do anything to change them.”

Daisy gave a wet laugh and May felt her wings prick up in that little more volume. She glared mockingly, and Daisy laughed again. “Sorry.” She muttered, standing.

May took her hand. “I'll see you soon.”

Tears stung her eyes. “Yeah.” Daisy murmured, pulling away. “I'll see you.”

Part of her believed it. Part of her wanted it. But she knew that she couldn't go back now.

All she could do was hope that some day, she could.

 


End file.
